ii the greippi:
mä vaan möllötän tuola lukios
ii the greippi:
käyn kursseja sieltä täältä
ii the greippi:
ei mikään oikeen varsinaisesti kiinosta
ii the greippi:
missään en ole loistava

as time goes by i'm getting more and more frustrated and panicked over my future. i know i still have this semester left, then the next one. but really. decisions should be made, and most preferably before the end of this semester. i have my  baccalaureate next year, first ones possibly in autumn. i should get on deciding with what to attend then. but i don't really have that many options because i'm not studying that many subjects. in many subjects i just take the forced course, and nothing more. like um, geography, biology, chemistry, physics, religion ... ?!

so yeah. i'm mostly studying languages (english, swedish and french .. lame) and history and psychology. then some random courses that seem interesting. just trying to gather enough courses so that i'll get through the school.

what then? where am i going to head? the future seems like a big fat nothingness to me. why, why WHY didn't i go to vocational school? at least then i'd have an occupation!

everyone else around me seems to have clear plans and ideas and i just stand in the corner, biting my lip and trying not to cry. so jealous. why cant i have a talent of some sort? what am i supposed to do with myself. i don't want to do something with not my heart really in it. i don't really want to school myself again and again. i'd like to get it right on the first try but that's probably impossible.

i am keeping my eyes and ears open 24/7 for anything, even for a little pathetic spark  but it seems hopeless. i'm only 17. why do i have to know it now? cant i just stay at this age forever.  no scary decisions or worries about a profession... be carefree, like peter pan. i ...no?

too much pressure. i want to succeed, i want to make my daddy proud. i want to be somebody, become something but most of all - i just want to be happy.